Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
