1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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