Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
