You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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