I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
