it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
