When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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