If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
