Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
