escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
