I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
