somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's like heaven, but drunker
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
