i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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