I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
