Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
