what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
