I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are my feet made of real feet?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize