What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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