How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize