Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
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I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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