you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The power of my boobs compel you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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