i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
