I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
