a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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