Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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