so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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