She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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