im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
