I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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