He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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