have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize