Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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(727): View more from Florida

Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

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(208): View more from Idaho

i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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(904): View more from Florida

Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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(707): View more from California

I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.

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(360): View more from Washington

Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.

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(818): View more from California

Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.

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