if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
