Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
