I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
