guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
