Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
