my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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