so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We're too hungover to prance.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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