I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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