Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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