Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
