Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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