Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
