you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
