you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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