I wish I could teleport
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
