Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize