Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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