Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
