Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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