plz talk dirty to me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
