How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
