She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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