I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
