Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
