Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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