Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
