We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
