How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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