I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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